Parenting Styles
There are four main types of parenting styles such as authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent and neglectful.
Authoritative parenting includes strict rules and enforcing these rules but also being warm and loving to their children. These parents want their children to grow independent and become successful when developing future relationships.
Authoritarian parenting also includes strict rules and do not let children express differently about these rules. These parents are often cold to their children and show rage towards them. Children in these situations do not form healthy relationships later because they are usually anxious or enraged.
Indulgent parents are extremely involved in their children's lives but do not place any control over them. These children tend to get what they want from their parents and they know it too. These children grow into egocentric adults and have difficulties respecting others.
Neglectful parents are very uninvolved in their children's lives. These parents do not have rules and do not acknowledge their children which has negative effects on their children. These children feel unimportant, which leads to low self-esteem.
Authoritative parenting includes strict rules and enforcing these rules but also being warm and loving to their children. These parents want their children to grow independent and become successful when developing future relationships.
Authoritarian parenting also includes strict rules and do not let children express differently about these rules. These parents are often cold to their children and show rage towards them. Children in these situations do not form healthy relationships later because they are usually anxious or enraged.
Indulgent parents are extremely involved in their children's lives but do not place any control over them. These children tend to get what they want from their parents and they know it too. These children grow into egocentric adults and have difficulties respecting others.
Neglectful parents are very uninvolved in their children's lives. These parents do not have rules and do not acknowledge their children which has negative effects on their children. These children feel unimportant, which leads to low self-esteem.
Parenting Scenario Examples:
The following examples are used to provide expecting parents with an explanation as to why their child would act a certain way and how the parent should resolve the issue.
1. You are walking through a local grocery store and see the following interaction between a parent and child: The parent and child are in the checkout line. The child requests a candy bar and the parent says “I’m sorry, but I don’t think that’s a good idea –were meeting Gamma and Pap for dinner tonight at a restaurant, and I don’t want to ruin your appetite.” The child begins to whine and scream that s/he wants the candy bar “Now!”
This child is reacting to not getting what s/he wants by lashing out and demanding the candy. This child has not begun to control his/her emotions yet and still rely on the parent for guidance. By recognizing this, the parent can react accordingly by using an authoritative approach for the best results. This means giving strict rules and enforcing them but also being warm and understanding of the child.
2. A parent and child are in a craft store. The child has a packet of stickers in his hand. In one of the aisles of the store, the child removes a glass vase from a shelf, and the mother politely asks the child to put it back. The child fails to comply so the mother says: “I’m going to count to five, and if you don’t put the vase back, then you’re going to lose the stickers.” The child again fails to comply, so the mother requests that the child give the stickers back. The child refuses and ultimately the mother removes the stickers from the child’s hand. The child begins to scream and call his mother names, and when the mother lifts the child to remove him from the store, he begins to hit and bite her.
This child is reacting negatively by screaming and using physical actions toward the mother. These types of children need a lot of routine and structure because they are slow to accept change. Knowing this information about the child the parent should have rules that are always enforced in a specific way so the child knows that what they have done is wrong.
3. Two children are playing at recess on a playground. One child is bouncing a ball. The other child goes up to the first child, pushes him down, and takes the ball away.
This child is very surgent or extroverted. These types of children act out usually on impulses based on what they want to accomplish. This child wanted the ball so he acted out and pushed the other child down. The way to deal with this child would be to punish by time out or taking away toys to show that his/her behavior is not acceptable.
4. You work in a department store. One day you see a mother and her young daughter in the toy section. The child is whining about how she wants a book because she is so “bored” with all the books that she has at home. The mother ignores the child’s request. The child whines about the book from the “book aisle” into the next aisle. In the next aisle, the child begins to whine about needing some new clothes for her doll baby because her old clothes are “boring.” The mother responds with “you have a lot of clothes for your baby, perhaps on another day.” The child escalates her whining and continues to whine into the next aisle. In the next aisle, the child begins to whine that she needs some new games because her games are all “boring.” The mother quickly grabs a pack of “go fish” cards and hands them to the child. The child smiles brightly.
This is an easy temperament child. This child is used to routine and is testing the mother to see what she will get her. This would be most effectively dealt with a reward system. If the child behaves she will be rewarded. Even though she was whining throughout the store the mother did not give her the cards until they were almost done shopping. The child is very happy with the deck of cards because she got her mother to give in.
This child is reacting to not getting what s/he wants by lashing out and demanding the candy. This child has not begun to control his/her emotions yet and still rely on the parent for guidance. By recognizing this, the parent can react accordingly by using an authoritative approach for the best results. This means giving strict rules and enforcing them but also being warm and understanding of the child.
2. A parent and child are in a craft store. The child has a packet of stickers in his hand. In one of the aisles of the store, the child removes a glass vase from a shelf, and the mother politely asks the child to put it back. The child fails to comply so the mother says: “I’m going to count to five, and if you don’t put the vase back, then you’re going to lose the stickers.” The child again fails to comply, so the mother requests that the child give the stickers back. The child refuses and ultimately the mother removes the stickers from the child’s hand. The child begins to scream and call his mother names, and when the mother lifts the child to remove him from the store, he begins to hit and bite her.
This child is reacting negatively by screaming and using physical actions toward the mother. These types of children need a lot of routine and structure because they are slow to accept change. Knowing this information about the child the parent should have rules that are always enforced in a specific way so the child knows that what they have done is wrong.
3. Two children are playing at recess on a playground. One child is bouncing a ball. The other child goes up to the first child, pushes him down, and takes the ball away.
This child is very surgent or extroverted. These types of children act out usually on impulses based on what they want to accomplish. This child wanted the ball so he acted out and pushed the other child down. The way to deal with this child would be to punish by time out or taking away toys to show that his/her behavior is not acceptable.
4. You work in a department store. One day you see a mother and her young daughter in the toy section. The child is whining about how she wants a book because she is so “bored” with all the books that she has at home. The mother ignores the child’s request. The child whines about the book from the “book aisle” into the next aisle. In the next aisle, the child begins to whine about needing some new clothes for her doll baby because her old clothes are “boring.” The mother responds with “you have a lot of clothes for your baby, perhaps on another day.” The child escalates her whining and continues to whine into the next aisle. In the next aisle, the child begins to whine that she needs some new games because her games are all “boring.” The mother quickly grabs a pack of “go fish” cards and hands them to the child. The child smiles brightly.
This is an easy temperament child. This child is used to routine and is testing the mother to see what she will get her. This would be most effectively dealt with a reward system. If the child behaves she will be rewarded. Even though she was whining throughout the store the mother did not give her the cards until they were almost done shopping. The child is very happy with the deck of cards because she got her mother to give in.
Parenting Recommendations
- Always be warm and supportive.
- Encourage perspective-taking so your child can learn to problem solve using different points of views.
- Involve the children in decision-making and moral decisions.
- Model how you want your child to be.
- Tell your children what behavior is expected of them and why.
If you would like to contact us with your parenting concerns, just fill out the form below and we will contact you as soon as possible!